1,2,3,4,7,10,15,20

They all stop and look to me as if I have all the answers.  I don't know what I'm doing and/or why I'm doing it. 

If I really thought about it; it could be expression of an art form...  conveying emotions through gestures and movements... while really being present and true to individuality. 

But I'm stuck.  I love it cause its my air.  But I feel consistent frustration, confusion, and inadequacy. It all just feels so stale (stagnate, zestless, & common). My legs keep going through the rituals and redundancy but my soul screams for more (I hush it). 

Droid myself.  Repress myself.  Hibernate my current state of mind until there is cause/purpose for reinstatement.

Looking for my rainbow after the thunderstorm

Its these rainey days that drive me a little more insane.

Eyes glazed over and stuck in my thoughts.

Hard to contain the urge to physically express myself every minuet of everyday.

Forcing choreography out for upcoming show (westy kids performing with a choral group), upcoming winter concert, musical rehearsals that must be done before holiday break, and lots and lots nutcrackin last minuet steps.  (december 18th performance)

Forced expression of my art form. 

Send me to new york with nothing but a song in my head and notebook.  Chasing my tail then back to pacing back and fourth.

I am nothing I am everything I am lost I am complete.

The Breaking Point

Wanting needing to push myself beyond the point of familiarity.  Evolving and expanding myself for what.... understanding of my personal artistry.... the movement high.... self gratification.. maybe all of the above.

I don't do coffee, very much tea, no drugs, not much alcohol, no meat or dairy... addiction free... expect I need to move.... I need to feel every inch of me pushing to extremes...

its the only way.

Walking slowly down the buffet of life looking at the ordinary choices and not wanting any of them...

Apply

In my head I see myself achieving so much... living breathing and being everything I so long to become... but from my wisdom of time spent here I know I have to settle into the place I am now and so I can fully evolve and become what I know I can become.

Adapting quickly to my surroundings packing light so I'm ready for anything.

Accepting and enjoying what I do and who I am while I clip my wings and sore into the passionate/articulate/sensual/precise/artistic performer I know I am.

I heart Dance

Dear Dance Journal,
I Heart Dance
Yours,
Amy Merli

While knee deep in DNA free class saturday I had a favorite teacher of mine (kendra porter) tell us to remind ourselves that we love to dance.  True if I didn't love it I wouldn't spend all my time and energy doing it.  Doing it to make nothing and be left overwhelmed in a dark room with my own personal contradictions.  

I poor my soul into it.  I never feel like I do enough.  Judgments surround me from insecure people who proud themselves by belittling others. 

I do this for me.  Selfish?  The arts are necessary for we are what keep people going in times of darkness.  The creative light at the end of the hallway.  Maybe if I was helping the hungry, cleaning rivers, or helping rebuild houses destroyed from natural disasters I would feel instant gratification by helping the world.  But dance (and yoga) are what I know and love and with it I can effect people... hopefully.

average?

Are dancers average people?

Beware there are dancers among us...

dissection of what was

licking my lips that is reminiscent of my summer dance adventures.

Workshops with some of my favoirte companies: Cedar Lake Contemporary Ballet, Syren, Nathan Trice, STREB, and Sean Curran.

Allowing my pallet to be broaden all while exhaling the mental barriers I have built.

Hoping to spread the knowledge to my students (starting a new modern class tuesday nights 8-9 at Hartford City Ballet) while intermingling my new experiences.

Shifting my weight back into a routine of teaching... rehearsing... and escaping weekly to nyc to show my love for jivamukti yoga and horton with milton meyers.



"I dance to obliterate duration.
I dance to dignify form as content.
I dance to equalize figure & surround.
I dance to put intuition in conversation with thought.
I dance to demonstrate the great facility & ridiculous limits of the un-accoutered human body.
I dance not to be stuck in one position.
I dance in order to stand up straight.
I dance because you don't have to carry your instrument.
I dance because I can't wait to be asked.
I dance to achieve a vital, non-heroic presence.
I dance to shrink to an irreducible kernel of purified being.
I dance to arouse things out there that have not yet done so to enter my mind.
I dance to have a say in what I submit to.
I dance to forget why I dance." -Douglas Dunn and Dancers